Is this my fate, to deny the face my beloved wears? To resist, to push back? When He first came to me, when He first introduced Himself, I balked at the name He offered. I tell that part of the story a lot, because it amuses me now, the audacity of it. When one offers you a name, you accept it, right? I mean, that’s the polite thing to do. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like the name, if you’d rather it be something else. It doesn’t matter if the reputation that goes along with that name does not fit with who the person is to you. It’s a touching story — because he was amused, and kind, and generous with his tolerance. Who cared what name he picked, as he offered comfort?
In my slow way of moving forward, I’m contemplating Vishnu festivals. As in: I should maybe learn what some of them are, when they are, and see about honoring them, albeit in my way. I’m including Vishnu in the holy days I observe for Poseidon; ought I not start learning some of His, too? And maybe enjoy not having to create them whole cloth?
As I begin to research, I find myself thinking about how much I balked when Poseidon gave me that name, and the parallels to what I’ve been doing with Vishnu the last couple of years. I’m thinking about how I decided I’d get to know Him in a sort of incubation-period, away from social media, away from talking about it, and how that’s already been happening. There is similarity to be found, in the couple of years between meeting Poseidon and having him “move in”, and Vishnu being introduced, and getting to a place of actually Doing Something With That.
I’m eyeballing Matsya Jayanti, which comes this year at the end of March. Something small. Something so very small, but it seems appropriate, as it was through Matsya that Poseidon introduced this whole idea.
And I laugh, as I see the pattern that is my way of dealing with things, emerge. Dig heels in. Resist. Get dragged along anyway, because, really, I want to be dragged along. I love this. I love this whole Mystery, and getting more questions, rather than questions answered. I love not knowing. I love the potential.
I wonder what this will look like.