Funny thing happened.
I decided that I would mark Matsya’s birthday this coming March. Why Matsya’s birthday? As I touched upon in my last post, partially as a sign of getting over myself already. It’s been over two years since “Hey, maybe also Vishnu?” was dropped on me, and while I’ve converted the shrine I’ve held for Poseidon (grudgingly), and while I’ve invited Vishnu and His Family into my life, and while I’ve read about puja, and watched people performing puja, and talked about puja, and got it into my head that it’s not all that different from any other form of worshiping or revering, I’ve also . . . Done nothing. Oh, I offer Vishnu tea, and I take comfort in the bit about Him accepting anything given with devotion. I comfort myself with intention mattering, and that preferences will be established as we go forward — but beyond that? Beyond the barest of bare minimums?
Deciding I’d better start somewhere, I searched for information about Vishnu-specific festivals, and Matsya Jayanti grabbed my attention. It’s soon, falling on March 30th this year. It’s the birthday (maybe a birthday? I really don’t know) celebration of Matsya, traditionally regarded as the first avatar Vishnu takes. Matsya was the first image/figure to ping the “maybe also Vishnu” revelation, so that alone makes it fitting. That this will be my first ‘for Vishnu’ observance makes for a nice story element, it feels rounded and balanced and fitting and perfect.
Since deciding this?
I’ve felt my Beloved more closely than I have in a while. Since deciding this, the concern over understanding how this could be true, why this happened, why He ever said Poseidon to begin with, has slipped away. He is firmly Himself, and I know this Power. How can I worry? How can I doubt?
He eased my hold on any particular name gently, over time. I’m left without really knowing what to call Him, beyond my heart, my home, my hearth. I have guesses as to the whys, but I’m not overly concerned with them anymore. They make for good mental exercises, I grant you. I feel like I should be spinning, spiraling, floating adrift, having lost my mooring; instead, I feel anchored anew.
It’s going to be a simple observance that I hesitate to refer to as puja. Puja-ish, perhaps. A bit more fancy than is my typical wont, with offerings I haven’t done before, with steps I haven’t used all that often. I’ll be making the shrine over for it, and I’ll have images specific to the celebration. Arts and crafts will be involved, home-made items, and re-used, because my beloved hasn’t changed, and thrifting, re-using, recycling — these are things that are important to Him. I’ll share, as I go. I’m very much looking forward to this.
I may or may not invite Beth. How silly is that, right? Maybe I’ll invite my wife? But it’s new and my first time and I feel nervous. We’ll see.